how silent is your soul?

Do you ever talk to yourself?
C'mon, let's be honest here!

I'll admit that I do.
But I'm gonna justify it
by telling you that I believe
it's a sign of genius.
I mean, God did it during creation.

He was the only one around
when He spoke the world into being.
And it was GOOD!

But when I'm all alone,
and I start speaking...
do my words create good things as well?
Or do they simply make noise,
cause confusion,
get in the way
of all that I have already given over
to God in prayer.

Do I begin to speak
about the very things
I just "trusted God"
to take care of for me...
or am I trying to work them out,
as if I have any idea
what I'm doing?

So here...
I found some wisdom from David
telling me there is a better way...
Truly my soul silently waits for God;
From Him comes my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be greatly moved.
Psalm 62:1-2

This very first word David writes,
TRULY, is an interesting one.
For it literally means,
unto God alone is he waiting.
As if to say, 
he can trust no other...
not even himself.

There is no need
to even speak about his problem
So he remains in silence.

What restraint.
What control.
What reserve.

David continues...
How long will you attack a man?
You shall be slain, all of you,
Like a leaning wall and a tottering fence.
They only consult to cast him down
from his high position;
They delight in lies;
They bless with their mouth,
But they curse inwardly.
Psalm 62:3-4

David speaks here,
not of God, but of man.
These, the solutions men take
to solve their own problems.
Attacking each other
does us no good.
But rather causes us to lean
on our own understanding...
reliable as a tottering fence,
collapsing beneath us.

But unlike these men,
David chose the higher, silent way.
He spoke not words found
deceptive as these who...
bless with our mouths
but curse inwardly.
OUCH!

Have I been found so?
When I pray for those
who hurt me, offend me, frustrate me...
asking God to help my heart let it go.
Only to begin muttering...
how very much they bother me,
how I could do much better,
how I would do it differently.

This my inward cursing
may sound to me a whisper,
but certainly is not silence to God,
but more of sin.

Oh to seek the silence of this Psalm...
Not trusting in myself,
but unto God alone... TRULY.

So again, David guards himself...
My soul, wait silently for God alone,
For my expectation is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be moved.
In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
And my refuge, is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us.
Psalm 62:5-8

How I must endeavor...
Not praying words of faith,
handing my problem to God.
Then taking it right back...
mumbling under my breath
how I can manipulate,
how I can fix,
how I can wiggle out
a new and worthless solution.

No, I must resolve to be quiet.
It is mine to sit and wait in silence;
to TRULY trust my God.

Surely men of low degree are a vapor,
Men of high degree are a lie;
If they are weighed on the scales,
They are altogether lighter than vapor.
Do not trust in oppression,
Nor vainly hope in robbery;
If riches increase,
Do not set your heart on them.

God has spoken once,
Twice I have heard this:
That power belongs to God.
Also to You, O Lord, belongs mercy;
For You render to each one according to his work.
Psalm 62:9-12

When will I ever learn...
this very limited, lacking shadowy self?
Why would I ever think
my solutions,
my manipulation,
my money,
my words or
my worry,
could ever be more reliable
than the awesome power
and mercy
of my almighty God!

He is a Good Father.
He longs to provide and
to show off!
He wants to solve my problems
and is at the ready
whenever I finally decide
in my soul to silently wait for Him alone.

Word of God,
train me, today...
to faithfully pray, then silently sit and wait for my Lord to answer,
to prove my expectations in the Lord by not speaking of my problem after prayer.

Lord,
You are my rock,
my salvation,
my defense.

Truly to You
my soul waits.
Help me to wait...
silently.

Set a guard,
O Lord, over my mouth;
Keep watch
over the door of my lips.