don't worry, trust faithfully

I'll never forget the day
I realized the true difference
between faith and worry.

You see, I used to claim
worry as a proud badge I wore.
Like I had earned it somehow
as an honerary scout of sorts.

You know...
like if you wanted someone
to stand alongside you...
someone you could tell
your trouble to, and they
would pray about it with you,
then also worry with you
while waiting on God
to fix it.

Well, that was me.
I considered myself
a trusted worry sort.
Like I thought it was
part if the package of faith.

That is, until...
I realized that worry was not
what God is looking for
as His children grow up.

As a matter of fact,
James, the brother of Jesus
wrote this...
If any of you lacks wisdom,
let him ask of God,
who gives to all liberally
and without reproach, and
it will be given to him.

But let him ask in faith,
with no doubting, for
he who doubts is like
a wave of the sea driven and
tossed by the wind.

For let not that man
suppose that he will receive
anything from the Lord;
he is a double-minded man,
​unstable in all his ways.
James 1:5-8 NKJV

That's exactly how I felt,
even wearing my badge proudly.
For as I did my duty of doubting
(that's what worry really is)
I found myself tossing
and turning in rocking boat,
after rocking boat...
tossed about on many a sea.

And I was so glad the day
I got to trade in my badge
and begin to learn more about
the faith God chose to show me.

It was a normal Sunday in church
many years ago.
I was listening to my pastor speak
when he stopped and told us,
the whole congregation...
to all stand up... right there
in the middle of his message.

So we did.

Then he instructed us to turn
full body to face the right side
of the room... I remember it vividly
because in that particular church
there were these pretty
stained glass windows.

And my friend and pastor said,
"The wall you are looking at
represents your faith."

Then he instructed us to turn
completely around to face
the opposite wall...
the left side of the room.

So now we were turned
with our backs to the
stained glass windows.
(not that stained glass
has anything to do with faith...
but it does help the picture)

The pastor then said,
"This wall represents worry."

And that was the end
of his instruction.
So he told us all to sit down.

Simple.
But he wasn't quite done
with the lesson.

As he continued to teach
he made it very plain
that at no time...
standing in that church,
nor in any circumstance of life
are we able to face faith
with worry in view...
nor face worry,
with faith in view.

He wanted us to know,
and to see,
that we cannot
depend upon faith...
we cannot place our faith in God,
and worry
at the same time.

And if we tried to rationalize
that we can somehow do so,
using our peripheral vision
or with a quick turning
back and forth...
well then, we are going to
make ourselves mighty sick...
like a wave of the sea driven
and tossed by the wind.

And that is certainly NOT
how God desires His children
to think, nor to live life.

God prefers we live joyfully,
at peace, in contentment,
and reliant upon Him
for all good things.

God wants us to know
that we are only able to choose
one option at a time.

Will it be FAITH?
or
Will it be WORRY?

For one will always
negate the other.

In these particular verses
James encourages us
to ask for wisdom...
so let us not turn around
and worry, nor doubt whether
God will provide.

Let us not turn back and forth
in our own reasoning,
trying to figure out how
God will provide.

If that's our tactic,
why even ask Him
in the first place?

God is more than happy
when we turn to Him...
desiring to provide liberally.
It's the turning away,
that causes His heart to ache...
that stops His action,
His hand of provision
because we have taken
the privilege from Him.

Let us rather, trust Him fully...
faithfullly, without doubt,
without worry.

Word of God
train me today...
To humbly ask You, Lord, for wisdom...
and believe, without doubt
​that I will receive.

To stubbornly keep my back
to the wall of worry and stay
single-minded in faithful
​dependance on You.